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I spent the last hour revamping my blog.

I busied myself all weekend so I wouldn't reach for the phone to call my former best friend/ former significant other.

I came back from Asia feeling different. Though I expected that to happen, the result was peculiar. I broke up with my boyfriend, I stopped shopping, I stopped eating my favorite fatty foods, and I ignored phone calls from people I never really wanted to talk to but always was polite to.

I wound up playing the delete game a lot. I deleted about 50 contacts from my phone, instant messaging applications I never use, my MySpace, and over 100 Facebook friends. It felt so good. There are so many people I no longer talk to just because it just kinda happens over time. And then there were a few people who I knew I didn't need in my life.

So over the Labor Day weekend as I was viciously chomping through my GMAT review book, people were out socializing and at parties. [I know this because the garbage can outside my apartment is regurgitating beer cans.] And a teeny weeny part wish I was doing the same. I started to say to myself: "You know that's not you. You're not one to go to parties or drink senselessly. You have fun in your own way."

But then I realized something. It may or may not be who I am, but this is who I've become. In the last three years of being at SLU, I was in two serious relationships. And though I was, for the most part, not forced to stay at home or anything like that, I wanted to or in some ways, felt obligated to. I didn't go to parties. People didn't see me out. Now it's my senior year, and that's all I have: associates. People I can casually say hi to or joke with.

It's frustrating, but I'm going to figure this being single thing out.