1.) I miss dancing.
2.) I feel like I can't dance anymore.
3.) I think I'll start dancing again.
4.) I'm starting to do too much again.
5.) I miss Asia. I miss being there. I really miss eating there.
6.) I want to travel some more. Right now. At this moment. Be somewhere new.
I have a good memory from the Philippines. After wading in the waterfall source/spring, we sat on a bench to dry off. A fabulous transgender caught a fish and made lunch right there in front of me. She grabbed leaves to wrap the fish and flipped it with sticks. What the fuck kind of amazing. It smelled like orgasm when she unwrapped it. She did this while rocking booty denim shorts and a skimpy tank.
I will come back to you soon, Asia.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Monday, September 7, 2009
Switch
I spent the last hour revamping my blog.
I busied myself all weekend so I wouldn't reach for the phone to call my former best friend/ former significant other.
I came back from Asia feeling different. Though I expected that to happen, the result was peculiar. I broke up with my boyfriend, I stopped shopping, I stopped eating my favorite fatty foods, and I ignored phone calls from people I never really wanted to talk to but always was polite to.
I wound up playing the delete game a lot. I deleted about 50 contacts from my phone, instant messaging applications I never use, my MySpace, and over 100 Facebook friends. It felt so good. There are so many people I no longer talk to just because it just kinda happens over time. And then there were a few people who I knew I didn't need in my life.
So over the Labor Day weekend as I was viciously chomping through my GMAT review book, people were out socializing and at parties. [I know this because the garbage can outside my apartment is regurgitating beer cans.] And a teeny weeny part wish I was doing the same. I started to say to myself: "You know that's not you. You're not one to go to parties or drink senselessly. You have fun in your own way."
But then I realized something. It may or may not be who I am, but this is who I've become. In the last three years of being at SLU, I was in two serious relationships. And though I was, for the most part, not forced to stay at home or anything like that, I wanted to or in some ways, felt obligated to. I didn't go to parties. People didn't see me out. Now it's my senior year, and that's all I have: associates. People I can casually say hi to or joke with.
It's frustrating, but I'm going to figure this being single thing out.
I busied myself all weekend so I wouldn't reach for the phone to call my former best friend/ former significant other.
I came back from Asia feeling different. Though I expected that to happen, the result was peculiar. I broke up with my boyfriend, I stopped shopping, I stopped eating my favorite fatty foods, and I ignored phone calls from people I never really wanted to talk to but always was polite to.
I wound up playing the delete game a lot. I deleted about 50 contacts from my phone, instant messaging applications I never use, my MySpace, and over 100 Facebook friends. It felt so good. There are so many people I no longer talk to just because it just kinda happens over time. And then there were a few people who I knew I didn't need in my life.
So over the Labor Day weekend as I was viciously chomping through my GMAT review book, people were out socializing and at parties. [I know this because the garbage can outside my apartment is regurgitating beer cans.] And a teeny weeny part wish I was doing the same. I started to say to myself: "You know that's not you. You're not one to go to parties or drink senselessly. You have fun in your own way."
But then I realized something. It may or may not be who I am, but this is who I've become. In the last three years of being at SLU, I was in two serious relationships. And though I was, for the most part, not forced to stay at home or anything like that, I wanted to or in some ways, felt obligated to. I didn't go to parties. People didn't see me out. Now it's my senior year, and that's all I have: associates. People I can casually say hi to or joke with.
It's frustrating, but I'm going to figure this being single thing out.
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